How to Deal With Toxic People
As A Christian
A few months ago at church, the pastor spoke to us about toxic relationships and the subject has been weighing on my heart heavily. Like most people, I have had many toxic people in my life. I have come to the point in my life and in my walk with God where I know it’s crucial to start going separate ways with these toxic people. I can’t help but to question how, as a Christian, do I cut these people out of my life without coming off judgmental or hateful.
Recognizing Toxic People
In order to start cutting toxic people from your life, you have to be able to recognize who those people in your life are.
Toxic people do more harm than good because they have so much poison inside of them from their conflict with God and themselves that it spills out in emotional, spiritual, and physical damage to others. They leave you feeling emotionally drained, exhausted, and can even leave you feeling distant from God. These people are emotionally immature, narcissistic, and constantly try to manipulate others.
What Does Scripture Say?
- Romans 12:18 – “If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
- I want to start by saying that even toxic people deserve to be loved and, as Christians, it is our duty to love one other.
- That being said, sometimes toxic people will not live at peace with you, as much as you try to live at peace with them; however, we must try our best. BUT. . .
- Living at peace with others does not mean we have to associate with them and let them into our lives. It means that we have to forgive them in our hearts and let God handle the rest.
- Romans 12:17- “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Give careful thought to do what is honorable in everyone’s eyes” and. . .
- Romans 12:19- “Friends do not avenge yourselves; instead leave room for God’s wrath, because it is written, Vengeance belongs to me; I will repay, says the Lord.
How To Deal
The first part is to acknowledge that you cannot fix toxic people, only God can. The next part to acknowledge is that you didn’t cause it and you can’t cure it. The only person that can change a toxic person is God and they will only change if they are willing to let God change their heart.
It is extremely hard to cut people out of your life. Even if they mean a lot to you, there comes a point when it’s time to rid of the negativity in your life and focus on your mental, emotional, and spiritual health.
So how do you do this?
- Focus on keeping your heart at peace – with God and with yourself.
- Let them know how you feel, but stick to your decision. Toxic people can be manipulators, so don’t let them try and win you over and change your mind. It can be easy to be manipulated when you are in a vulnerable position, but you must be very clear: Let your yes be yes and your no be no.
- Set Boundaries Build a fence for you to stay in and for them to stay out. You have to be clear about what is acceptable and what is not. It is your decision to decide what you will allow in your life and what you will not.
- Stick to your decision This can be easier said than done, but you have to stay true to your word or toxic people will continue to walk all over you again and again. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. You owe it to yourself and to your happiness to rid of the negativity for good.
- Pray about it – I truly believe prayer is the most powerful thing you can do and it’s the best revenge. It is our job to do good things, be good people, and love our neighbors. God will be the judge and he will handle vengeance accordingly. Do what you need to do to get away from the toxic relationships and God will handle the rest.
- Romans 12:21 “Do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good.”